The future of Spider-Man at Sony Pictures has been a big question mark ever since last year’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2 failed to meet studio expectations. And now it looks like Spidey failed to join in Marvel's big blockbuster The Avengers, again.
Want to know the reason? Because as far as superheroes go, Spidey is down there at the bottom of the pile. Here’s why:
1. He has no fashion sense
Red and blue? Eewww. Fine on a flag but not on spandex. These two colours just don’t go together in clothing. And just cos it’s fine on a flag, doesn’t mean you can wear the flag…
2. He never shuts up
Do you like your heroes to give a running commentary of inane banter while they beat up bad guys? Then Spider-Man is the man for you.
3. He’s soooooo serious
Nevermind Batman, the Joker’s famous question from The Dark Knight could have been aimed at Spidey. For someone who wears such bright colours, he’s pretty moody. Makes Bruce Wayne look like a fun date.
4. His Aunt May
Look, I appreciate that Aunt May stepped in to raise baby spider (or spider baby?) after his parents died, and then raised him alone after Uncle Ben died, but can’t she just stay in the house now that little Peter is all grown up?
5. He’s everywhere
You can’t go away for a two-week holiday these days without coming home to find there’s a new Spider-Man movie out. Take a break, Parker.
6. His friends
You can always judge a superhero by the company he keeps.
Batman hangs out with Commissioner Gordon, an upstanding citizen determined to take crime off the streets of Gotham.
Spidey hangs out with Harry Osborn, who whines incessantly and dresses up for Halloween… all year round.
7. His girlfriends
Superman has Lois Lane, a hotshot reporter who will do anything to get a story. She’s probably braver than any superhero.
Spider-Man has Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson, who are good at, uh, getting rescued. Bring back Aunt May, all is forgiven.
8. His enemies
“Dear Batman, can I ask you for a big favour? I need some interesting bad guys to fight – Halloween Guy, Eight-armed Man and Voltage Boy just aren’t testing me enough. It would be great if you could let me fight one of your superior villains if they aren’t too busy… how about Killer Croc?
Yours sincerely, your friendly neighbourhood spider.”
9. He’s a fare-dodger
In fairness to Spidey, being a journalist doesn’t pay very well.
10. He is boring
With great power… comes great – ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(source:metro.co.uk)